You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
