I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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