Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
