Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
