If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
