I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
