Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
