I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
