NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
