I wish I only lived at night.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
