It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
