I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize