He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
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