The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
