Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
