Me too!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
