i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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