I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
