i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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