I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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