Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
