But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
