I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
