He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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