and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
