Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
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