the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
