After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
