sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
