youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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