At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
