Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
