He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
