clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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