it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
