Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
