i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
