I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She announced her abortion via fbk
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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