Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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