some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
