I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
