take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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