He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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