you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
