Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
