I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
