did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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