I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
