gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
