so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
