I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize