What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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