How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
