he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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