Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
