I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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