Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
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