The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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