just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
