He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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