YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Randomize
