There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
