Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
