when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
