You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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