Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
