so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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