i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
