the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
