Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
