So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
