I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize