she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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