what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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