drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize