sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
