I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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