I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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