Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
