Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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