I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
