I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize