ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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