Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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